RHYMESWITHORANGE

Henchmen are the missing link between the super evil and the rest of you. No task is too menial or monotonous for us. We don't talk much but we think fast. Henchmen are the vital cogs in the massive gearwork that is the wrist**tch of the villain. Without us, his wrist**tch would only be right twice a day. And villains need to be able tell time accurately all day. We are the villain's last and greatest line of defense - well, after the laser cannon that they built on the moon, the nuclear warhead and the escape pod, of course. The life of a henchman is sweet indeed- danger, beautiful women, a really good dental plan... who wouldn't want to be a henchman?


"Henching", as it is known in the business, involves a wide range of tasks, which can include:

-standing with arms crossed

-routine maintenance of doomsday machines (excludes -weather machines-the butler will clean those)

-guarding

-torture and interrogation

-kidnapping

-spying

-disposing of bodies

-collecting dues for the secret, shadowy organization that is trying to take over the world

-cleaning the drains in the evil lair

-looking scary

-wearing jumpsuits

-mindlessly obeying orders

-doing the evil villain's shopping

-preservation of the evil overlord's suede accessories

-laughing maniacally along with the evil villain

-Flying too far backwards when getting shot in the head

being shot by the evil villain in a dramatic attempt to prove his villainy, and disregard for modern Health & Safety legislation

-singing and dancing (for those henchmen to be found in musicals; this is not a 'common' henchman task)